After coming back to Canada like I stated
I was posted out of the battalion to Trenton
and life really took a sidewinder for me.
Started having a relationship with alcohol,
a very up close and personal relationship
with alcohol and it wasn’t doing me any justice.
I was trying to suppress all these memories.
The people that were surrounded in my life
I was pushing everybody away.
Everything I was doing was opposite of what
I needed to be doing but in my mind
I was so angry and so frustrated over
everything that transpired over there because
it was like I didn’t get to finish my job and
I can give you every excuse in the book about
how horrible what I did over there and
why this guy got hurt and it was my fault and
I was taking everything on.
And these are all the rewiring that transpired
that was happening inside of me and
I didn’t want to think about any of this stuff.
So I kept ending up getting late for work.
I started showing up late for work which is
something that never happened.
You know, I spent prior to,
well in December of 2006 I landed in Trenton.
I was never late for work.
I never missed a timing, never anything
I was always on the ball with everything
but everything started, it just started.
I didn’t care about anything and I wanted
everybody away from me. I didn’t want to
have a relationship with anybody.
I didn’t want anybody around me but
at the same time I was trying to maintain this
really messed up crazed thought that well,
if I’m good here then I’ll be fine over here
and my mind, I just started lying to myself
and convincing myself that everything was
going to be fine and it wasn’t.
Things really started going downhill and
when the alcohol wasn’t working
anymore I found cocaine. I started having
a huge relationship with cocaine
and I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody,
if there’s anybody out there listening to
that today, don’t get into it.
There’s other ways to go,
there’s other avenues.
You don’t have to go down that road.
The paths that I took were the wrong ones.
All you have to do is reach out and
want that change.
You need to want to get out of it.
I needed to want to get out of it.
But I didn’t at the time
and I don’t encourage anyone going
down the path that I went down.